Here’s to Trying New Things.

I am a fraud. Even in blogging I have been an imposter.

I have said all the right things, laid out the foundation for true introspection but continue to edit thoughts in my head; sifting through words like an interior designer considering paint swatches. My need to analyze, control, evident on the page. Writing from the heart should induce word vomit. A desire to expel thoughts onto the page which forces my fingers to flay wildly across the keyboard in order to keep up.

I am approaching my trial relocation with an open mind, eager to try and learn new things. There are lots of people here willing to help you reconnect with your body and spirit. I am learning about chakras and numerology. Here again, mental me struggles not to dismiss their hippy dippy propositions for positive change outright. Some I have adopted. I now talk to cannabis, asking my weed to heal me and inspire me before partaking (can’t hurt). But there are limits to my inquisitiveness. When I was asked during yesterday’s massage if I would like spearmint dabbed on my clitoris? “Why would I want that?” I asked, decidedly certain that I did not know this woman well enough. Some explanation about energy and a slight burning but all I could think of was why she would want to fish around for any of her client’s clits?

Not what I set out to write about today. Am I writing from the heart or stalling?

2 thoughts on “Here’s to Trying New Things.

  1. Hey Sophia ! You’re not a fraud, and you’re not an imposter. But I can imagine some of the thoughts in your head and the feelings in your heart are… Well… Difficult to write. Perhaps you should get them out by trying to write about someone else. It can be a real or an imaginary person. Or both – because there are real persons out there whom we don’t know really well and so they’re real and imaginary at the same time. What do you think of Anthony Bourdain’s suicide, for example? What went through his head? How would you look at what happened? A new challenge for your writing? 🙂

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  2. Thanks JL! I’m always appreciative of the support and suggestions. I tend to have a flair for the dramatic but getting in your head and then getting that whirlwind on paper takes practice. Cheers

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